What is a Hungry Goat?
When Jacob sat down to write a description of a hungry goat, he sat for a very long time and didn't write anything. Hungry goats are very difficult to describe, you see. Especially when they're not there.
Jacob thought about just saying that a hungry goat looked like...well...a goat. That wouldn't be quite true though. If all the goats in people's heads clearly looked like goats, they wouldn't be so good at bossing everyone about. Nobody likes to be bossed about by a goat. We'd all just ignore them.
The trouble with hungry goats is that they look exactly like the person whose head they live inside, and are most effective when not seen at all.
A goat decides that it wants cookies and the person it's living inside finds themselves thinking, I would kill someone for a choc chip cookie right now. Following the consumption of an entire packet, that person then feels shame, guilt, and frustration for doing the very thing they'd promised themselves they wouldn't when the cookies were purchased the day before.
What´s wrong with me? they think. Nobody answers, of course. At that point, their goat is nowhere to be seen.
Goats generally only appear when they want something. The urge to eat the cookies certainly came from a goat. In this sense, a hungry goat could simply be characterised as craving. Jacob thought about describing them as such but decided not to. It's a bit more complicated than that, he thought. The urge to eat the cookies came from a goat, but so did the urge to buy them.
The cookie-eater may object to this. They didn´t notice any cravings when they were in the supermarket. In fact, yesterday was Day #1 of the new health kick. Breakfast consisted solely of juiced vegetables. Sure, they bought some cookies, but they also bought kale and cauliflower rice. They didn't even really feel like cookies when they bought them — they had to buy them.
"Jenny at the office is retiring and there's going to be a morning tea," they explain. "It's not till the week after next, but I like to be prepared."
Prepared? Really? That sounds more like a goat talking.
Goats have figured out that people can be resistant to a simple urge to eat. To counteract this, they use a whole repertoire of thoughts to manipulate, deceive and outright lie.
According to Jacob, The Goat is the part of his brain that says things like, "it's okay, you're only going to have one," and "What a terrible day. You deserve a treat," and "You're just buying them for when guests come over." Actually, The Goat doesn't bother with that last one anymore. Jacob never has guests.
Goats are very good at planning ahead, and they have no problem with manipulation, coercion or blatent lying. They will do and say anything to get what they want. What they want, however, depends on the individual goat.
The preference of Jacob's goat (i.e. The Goat) is junk food. For this reason, he likes to imagine it with a round belly that slightly protrudes from the base of its striped t-shirt. He also gave its human body some horns, long ears, a tail, and a tuft of hair on its chin to make it look more like, well, a goat.*
The Goat doesn't really appreciate Jacob taking a creative licence to how it looks. It thinks it looks a bit ridiculous but, according to Jacob, that's kind of the point. Although, technically, they are two sides of the same brain, Jacob prefers not to imagine The Goat looking exactly like himself. He finds it easier to notice it if he imagines it as an individual. It is also easier to ignore if it looks a bit silly.
Jacob recommends everyone make their goat look a bit silly. It takes away some of their power and taking away a goat's power is the key to taking control back from it. There will be more of how to do that in the blog but, for now, here is a picture of a rather innocuous looking goat.
Teguh Mujiono/Shutterstock
Jacob recommends staring at it intently for one minute then getting on with the rest of your day.
See if you notice when the goat reappears. You probably won't. They're tricky like that. The best way to start is just to look back on your day and see if you can spot where it turned up.
If you are reading this after having skipped the gym, replaced your healthy dinner with a block of chocolate, consumed two bottles of wine (when you only intended to have one glass), and failed to put on a load of washing because you couldn’t stop scrolling TikTok, you can pretty safely say that a hungry goat has taken over your life.
Welcome to the start of taking it back.
Published 10th April 2025*The Goat would like it known that this is a grossly inaccurate description as it really looks the same as current Jacob, who no longer has a belly or that striped t-shirt. Jacob would thus like it known that he has offered The Goat an image upgrade on several occasions. All the Goat has to do is agree to cease going into a childish frenzy every time Jacob walks by a bakery. So far, no agreement has been reached.
