How it Began

Many years ago, a man called Jacob went up a mountain and found a goat. Since then, he has dedicated most of his life to trying to make this goat go away.

He believes that his quest to rid himself of The Goat has been very successful. So successful, in fact, that he decided to write this blog in order to share his wisdom with others. Ridding himself of The Goat, he has realised, was the ultimate key to health, happiness and abundant productivity. He wants others to experience that too.

The Goat disagrees.

It points out that, as it is participating in the writing of this blog, Jacob did not get rid of it. Not only is it still present, but it is clearly an active and influential part of Jacob’s life.

The Goat then delivers a long and pretentious speech about how goats are necessary to the survival of the human race, are the source of all joy and pleasure, and are the sole reason life is not unbearably sad, boring and unpleasant.

Jacob doesn't entirely agree with this, but he also doesn't want to get into an argument, so he simply remarks that sideline commentary, unsolicited feedback and constantly recommending alternative activities does not really count as "participating in the writing of this blog".

"You do realise that the name of this blog is The Hungry Goat not Incredibly Boring Jacob?" says The Goat. "I think that tells you everything about whose blog this is."

Jacob says he called it that because it is about showing people how to recognise and take control of the goat in their life. He also says that he is considering changing the name to The Really Annoying Goat, which he can because he is the writer.

The Goat now does the same thing it's done during every stage of this blog's research, planning, drafting and editing process. It tells Jacob he's stupid and that he might as well not bother writing anything because nobody is ever going to read it. Then it carries on for a while about how Jacob would be better off lying on the couch, binge watching a Scandinavian crime series and eating a four thousand calorie post-dinner snack. Jacob ignores it and eventually The Goat stops. It mumbles something about wanting to take a nap and disappears.

The Goat is always coming and going. Jacob’s not really sure where it goes, but it couldn't be far. It generally turns up suddenly. Often Jacob doesn't even realise he’s been talking to The Goat until after it has left again. Goats are annoying like that. Jacob has learnt to tolerate his goat — come to appreciate it even — but he often thinks about how much easier life would be if it wasn't around. Unfortunately, there's not much he can do about it. The Goat that Jacob is contenting with lives inside his own head.  

It took a long time for Jacob to figure out there was a goat in his head. It seems obvious now that he looks back, but he doesn't blame himself. Goats can be hard to see. They're cunning and manipulative, but rarely exhibitionists. It is easier for them to get what they want when people don't notice them.

Jacob just thought he had something wrong with him. He would make reasonable plans about what he was going to eat, drink, do, and spend his money on, but when it came time to follow through on his plans, he would find himself doing something completely different. Specifically, he would find himself eating, drinking, doing, or spending money on whatever it was he was most determined to avoid. For most of his life, he had no idea why he always did that, and it made him very unhappy. Jacob’s not the most joyful person at the best of times, so he really was quite miserable.

In 2012, Jacob thought he should really do something about his depressing life. He had just turned thirty and had far more problems than he thought reasonable for a thirty-year-old.

Most of his trouble centred around food. Junk food specifically (although he wasn't so specific about the type). He regularly binge-ate an assortment of fried, baked, salted, and sweetened processed food. Being a vegetarian didn't help as ice cream, chocolate, cheese, cake, cookies, fries, noodles, potato chips, and soft drink all fit nicely into that category.

Food was his most problematic pleasure but he had several. He also thoroughly enjoyed alcohol, smoking, spending money, social media, and binge-watching television. Most of his time was spent doing activities that could only be categorised as pointless procrastination. He really was quite depressed.

Jacob decided the best way to resolve all of these problems would be to go somewhere else. They surely don't have junk food and television in the Himalayas, he thought.

This is how he ended up on a mountain in Nepal listening to a Buddhist monk talk about Hungry Ghosts. 

"The realm of the Hungry Ghosts is nothing but suffering and misery," the monk was saying. "They have unquenchable thirst and wretched hunger, neither of which can ever be satisfied."

I don't think they're in another realm, Jacob thought. I'm pretty sure there's one of those in my head.

He started paying attention.

Jacob was doing a lot of meditation at the time. That is, he was enrolled in a course that required him to sit on a cushion for long periods of time and occasionally chant things. When he wasn't sitting on a cushion in a monastery, he was eating a lot of Nepalese junk food. The combination of these two things made him deeply aware of the fact that there was most certainly something in his head convincing him to do all the things he didn't want to.

Jacob didn't want to eat a block of chocolate for breakfast. He wanted to eat a bowl of oats with some seeds and berries on top. So why did he eat the chocolate instead? It's one of those Hungry Ghosts, he thought. Then he thought about it some more and realised that it was less a sad, miserable ghost then something delightfully happy, carefree, energetic, cunning, and purely dedicated to life's pleasures. Culinary pleasures in particular.

More like a goat than a ghost, he thought. Yes, that was it. A hungry goat. 

Once he started seeing his goat, he found it easier to keep seeing it. He also got better at figuring out how to manage it. Goats never go away completely. When managed correctly, goats do a good job of keeping their humans alive, so it is vital to keep them around. As annoying as they can be, Jacob wouldn't want his to disappear forever. He doesn't like to admit this in front of The Goat, but sometimes giving in to it truly does make life better.

Goats are, after all, completely devoted to life's pleasures and they always share those wonderful moments with their human host. Give in to them occasionally and everyone has a nice time. But let them run free long enough, and herding them back in will feel like an epically draining, painfully protracted, emotional nightmare.  

It took a little while to figure out how, but Jacob managed to re-tame his wild, obstinate, and domineering goat. Most of the time, he is in charge. Most of the time is enough. He is lean, fit, productive, calm, and happy. The arrival of The Goat can now mean moments of genuine pleasure and excitement that they can both enjoy. (Although, nowadays, Jacob mostly just waits for The Goat to finish making half-hearted suggestions and then he continues on with whatever he was doing before it suddenly turned up.)

Sometimes The Goat gets its way and Jacob finds himself overeating, but he rarely lets it take over completely like he used to. The constant anxiety and sense of being out of control that he used to feel when The Goat turned up is gone. The overwhelming urge to binge every day is also gone, as is the urge to do all the other vices that The Goat loved, but made Jacob feel terrible.

Now Jacob wants to help others see their goats and take back control of their lives. This blog is mostly about food, but he thinks it might also be helpful for people whose goats are overly attached to shopping, cigarettes, pornography, video games, television, social media, and anything else that make people think "why can't I stop doing that?"

Everyone has a goat in them, but it doesn’t need to be in charge. Life is much better when they are not. (Your goat will dispute that last comment, but it's just being obnoxious. You can — and should — ignore it.)

Published 10th April 2025