Who is Jacob (and why does he talk in third person)?

Jacob doesn't think it’s necessary to write an author’s bio. He would prefer not to say too much about himself. He’s also aware of the irony of that sentence. This blog is more memoir than self-help guide, so if anyone he knows should stumble across it, they’d probably know it was him. He could have given a fake name, but he doesn’t like to be dishonest.

NB. If you're reading this and it sounds like a Jacob that you know, it isn't. It is most certainly somebody else.

Fortunately, there are over two billion websites, lots of people in the world are called Jacob, and he hasn’t told anyone about this blog, so it is unlikely that anybody he knows will see it. He actually doubts anybody will read it and, to be perfectly honest, he’d prefer it that way. Jacob is very anxious. So anxious, in fact, that he has to write this blog in third person. He finds the word 'I' quite terrifying.*

Jacob is convinced that he will only be able to be completely genuine and honest about his own experience if he pretends that he is talking about someone else and there is a 99% chance nobody will ever read it.

So why write a blog at all?

Unfortunately, Jacob is one of those poor souls who’s figured out their purpose in life but doesn't have the confidence to tell anyone about it. He imagines this is quite common among people that have spent decades living with a secret food addiction. It wreaks havoc on one’s self-esteem. Even when one overcomes it and wants to help others do the same, talking about it remains a confounding problem.

Jacob’s greatest life accomplishment is having figured out how to resolve the soul-destroying internal battle that he's been waging with food since he was a child, yet he can't tell anybody about it because nobody knows he had a problem.

This blog is a perfect solution. Jacob is putting what he has learned out into the world, while feeling safe in the knowledge that nobody will ever read it. He can now say he is serving his life's purpose (quietly to himself in the mirror).

Jacob would like to leave the Author's Bio page here but The Goat points out that he actually hasn't said anything about himself on this very tedious bio page except that he is probably a mute, anxious recluse with a strange habit of talking about himself in third person.

Begrudgingly, Jacob acknowledges that The Goat has a point and adds:

• Lives in Australia

• Works in an office

• Shares a house with several animals

• Enjoys reading.

The Goat makes a face and tells Jacob he is better off with the mute loner bio. Jacob thinks about it for a while then adds the following:

There was once a little boy that felt sad, lonely and worried all the time. He didn't really understand why he felt this way; he just knew that he didn't want to have those feelings. Lucky for him a little goat appeared in his brain and showed him that when he ate certain foods, it would make those feelings go away.

At first, The Goat was very helpful but, as he got older and wiser, he started to realise that eating delicious food all the time was no longer helping him. In fact, it was making everything worse. He tried to make it stop, but The Goat had become older and wiser along with the boy and had no intention of going anywhere. He tried everything he could think of, but nothing would make The Goat go away. It felt like each attempt only made his goat stronger.

Years passed and the boy, who was now a man, felt like his head had become a warzone. He woke up each day and began a daily food battle with a goat. Most days he lost.

At this point, the man didn't realise he was fighting a goat. He thought he was fighting himself. Losing to oneself all the time tends to make a person feel quite hopeless, worthless and ashamed, and he often wondered if there was any point living at all.

It was during one of these dark moments, that the man saw The Goat for the first time... and, with that, things slowly started to change. He started to see all of its tricks and lies. It also occurred to him that – although he regularly daydreamed about marooning it on an uninhabited island - he was lucky to have a goat. The Goat was trying to protect him.

The man stopped trying to make it go away. Instead, he figured out how to work with his goat and the changes he wanted to make to his life - to their life - began to happen. Both man and goat started to feel calm, happy, safe and free for the first time.

The man’s head no longer feels like a warzone. A truce has been called and both sides are living in harmony (although The Goat will likely tell you that it was conned into signing a peace treaty and would prefer to continue fighting the chocolate-for-breakfast wars, if given the choice).    

The Goat doesn't think what he’s added to the bio is a great improvement, but it tells Jacob to leave it as is. Any attempts at editing will only make it worse.

Published 10th April 2025

* As this blog is written from the perspective of two beings who live in the same brain, writing the whole thing in third person will also make it easier for people to distinguish between when Jacob is speaking as himself and is not under the influence of The Goat. The Goat is most often characterised as craving and resistance, but it is also ego and manipulation. It loves the word 'I'. Avoiding it is safer for everyone.